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purplechez's journal
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Morse Science High  ...I mean...how can a grown up spend an hour online looking at pictures of sneakers? My eighth graders used to do that. Guns and shoes. I really oughta go find better things to worry about.... I know...it sounds like the name of a bad holiday TV special. But it's not. It's something much worse. A few years ago I posted two pictures of hideous Christmas trees. I'd always meant to post more from the same collection. My idea was to post them one-a-day throughout December, like a hellish Advent calendar. But I figured I wouldn't keep up with that, so I scanned a bunch of photos and I'm putting them all up at once. The first thing that catches your eye is simply how ungodly grotesque these trees are. They represent all of the ghoulishness of the early 70's world crafts movement gone horribly, horribly wrong. Native art forms are being used in a way that the Great Spirit simply never intended. And it makes one shudder. After the initial revulsion you are then struck by the fact that these were put out there by Better Homes and Gardens, a name usually associated with traditional home decor. Not some hippie commune newsletter. Not some fringe group protesting the slaughter of conifers. BETTER HOMES AND FRIKKING GARDENS. I scanned the cover of the book to post here, just in case there were doubters, but it saved in a different format that I can't upload just now, so I'll have to try again later. And the third chilling aspect to the whole thing is that these designs are actually meant to take the place of the traditional Christmas tree in whitebread homes across the nation. Some of the pictures I've included here are of tabletop decorations, but take note that some are full-size items, shown with wrapped presents piled at the base and happy children playing happily in the happiness that drips from their faux branches. You'll note that the cowhide bead tree even comes with a large crate at the bottom, into which one may pile the gifts. I just wonder how many folks actually took BH&G up on this ruse and placed one of these monstrosities in their home in place of any sort of a pine tree, real or artificial. I was alive at the time and was not aware of any, thank Griff. Anyhow...on to the cavalcade of yuletide shame....  ^^^ A Pennsylvania Dutch tree...ah yes, just like one finds throughout Lancaster and Berks counties this time of year. It's the most cheerful wall plaque ever and makes the stairs into a magical holiday fairyland.  ^^^ Tabletop decor but still hideous.  ^^^ Another entry in the WTF Christmas competition. Even in 1974 what women's magazine editor could have looked at this monstrosity and said "Lovely! Let's go with THIS one!" Yep...take a fake south seas wind chime and make it into a full size Xmas tree. Brilliant.  ^^^ Perhaps the ugliest of the ugly trees. Brown...the favorite color of the season. And standing there like some sort of wooden sign in a national forest, just with none of the ambiance. I especially like the plaque at the top, about the size of an old 33 LP...I guess it's supposed to remind you that this is a holiday decoration and not a traffic control device.  ^^^ Not particularly gruesome on it's own, but it's SOOOOO 1970s. As for the color scheme, my grandmother had shag carpeting the same color put in at just about the same time. But didn't everybody? Luckily she thought better of it later and when back to hardwood. On second thought, this one is pretty hideous. All of those crocheted things look like unwholesome undersea orifices that are about to spew god only knows what all over you in some antediluvian reproductive ritual.  ^^^ Ah! Nothing says Xmas like expanded aluminum. Great for the steps on your pick-up truck--even better for a high tech festive tree from hell!  ^^^ Why limit expanded metal to the realm of the tree? It also makes great tabletop decorations too! Just think what you could do for weddings and funerals! You will note that this constitutes an "extravaganza." No skimping from the Better Homes folks!  ^^^ This one challenges the cowhide bead tree for absolute worst. It's the "fabric and coathanger tree." God knows that when I think of holiday merriment I think of fabric and coathangers. I think that if you put this up in your house at Christmas Protective Services should come over and take your kids from you. Seriously.  ^^^ This is just ugly. An ugly potted plant spraypainted gold. Why stop there? Why not paint the kids and the dog?  ^^^ Just plain ugly. But at least it's small.  ^^^ Wish we could say the same about this full-sized monstrosity.  ^^^ Ah...the yuletide potential of polyvinyl chloride is unlimited, dontcha think? Keep your elfin eyes open for updates! OK...what with the internets and everything I try to stay on top of my account at the local library. But I've been out of town a lot lately and things sort of got away from me. I returned all of the overdue stuff but there were still two books outstanding on my account. I had indeed checked them out at one time but was certain that I'd returned them. I was so certain that I asked the library to do a shelf check to make sure the books hadn't been reshelved without being checked in. Then, just a few days ago, I was doing some minor housekeeping and found one of the two "missing" books, fallen behind a low shelf. Yea! But that still left one missing book. Which brings us to this afternoon. I'm here at the Winterville branch of the local library system. It's a "mini" branch--small but very cozy--and I've known the librarian for the better part of a decade, long before I knew she was a librarian. She and I were talking about the one missing book. We talked about, when we die, asking God not who killed JFK or why He allows evil in the world, but rather asking where the missing books and other lost items have disappeared to. I'd said my goodbyes and was headed for the door. On my way I made a repeat look at the free magazine bin. Note that I say "repeat" look, as I'd looked in the basket not long before. And there had been nothing of note in or near the basket. But THIS time, sitting immediately beside the free magazine bin, its cover fully visible at the far right end of its row, WAS THE MISSING LIBRARY BOOK!!!!! I swear it hadn't been there before. It was a large-format book with the title in huge letters on the front...I'd have noticed. I almost freaked out. I just pointed. The librarian and I both got all goosebumply, especially since we'd just been joking about asking God where the missing books were. I'm still wigging out. I was on my way out the door but I had to log back on and post this while the heebiddy-jeebies were still active. Now, if maybe there could be some Chinese take out food waiting for me when I get home.... General Tso's Chicken maybe. Hey! If God is doling out trivial miracles it can't hurt to ask for Chinese food.... I suppose it's wrong to see race anytime when you see another person who just happens to be out and around doing their business. But nonetheless I had a really moving moment when I went to do early voting last week. About 30 people ahead of me was an African-American man, I'd say in his 30s or 40s (I'm such a bad judge of age), waiting in line with his son, who was probably about 8 or 9. Now...given that something like 98% of Blacks support the Senator from Illinois I assumed that he was there to vote for Obama. And I got to thinking about how amazing it was... there's a good chance that this man's parents--and certainly his grandparents--grew up in the depths of Jim Crow. And here he is, walking into a building that 45 years ago might have had a "colored entrance," to cast a vote for a Black man for President of the United States. And for his child...this is perhaps the earliest national election he will have a memory of in later years, and it will be the election in which a man of mixed race ran for (and, I hope, won) the Presidency. I actually got all choked up, almost teary eyed. But I'm such a sap. Speaking of teary eyed, a few weeks ago I was in Toys R Us shopping for my niece's birthday. I saw a book verson of "Puff the Magic Dragon." Like an idiot I picked it up and started flipping through it. And, of course, when Jackie Paper stopped coming around I was practically crying there in the store. But the wonderful thing was, the point is made that Jackie left because he was ready to grow up (not because he turned bad or anything) and, best of all, in the illustrations, you see that as Jackie leaves a new child is coming to take his place and be with Puff. Dammit I'm about to cry in the library just thinking about it. I'm such a sap. With Barack Obama leading in every poll by a decent margin (most I see seem to have him up by about nine points), and leading the electoral college estimates by about 100 votes I have been amusing myself imagining how those folks who have spent the last eight years telling us that to disagree with the president it tantamount to treason will react if and when someone other than George W Bush is in office. It was irksome, yet amusing, listening to the news on Channel 32, the only "local" TV affiliate in our parts. It used to be out of Carnesville. The population of Carnesville is less than 600, so it was bizarre to have a TV station based there. Now it's out of Toccoa, which is a good bit bigger but still under 10,000. I am told that four years ago their "news" people actually came on the air and said that they were "happy to report" that mr. bush had been re-elected. I was watching the other day and the news chickie was talking about how Obama has a "slight lead." Heck...if McCain was leading by nine points the repubs would be insisting that we dispense with the formality of an election and just make Johnny Boy president by acclamation. A little more disturbing were the programs I saw on CNN all weekend with topics like "Will Race Hurt Obama?" and "Will Race Keep Obama out of the White House?" Now...I'm not nearly as conspiracy-minded as some of my fellows. I believe that bushie dropped the ball an untold number of times leading up to 9/11, but I don't believe that he actually planned it, or that the crash at the Pentagon was faked, or that the WTC was brought down with planted explosives. But I do believe that some pretty sketchy stuff went down during the last two presidential elections. And I can't help but think that some of this "Will Race Hurt Obama?" stuff is trying to make a loss by Obama sound plausible, in spite of his current standing in the polls, thus making it easier for the party of Karl Rove to pull off massive election fraud. Imagine that on Nov 3 the polls say Obama 51%, McSame 42% (the numbers I saw this morning), but at the end of the day on the 4th the results are McSame 51%, Obama 49%. A statistician might tell you that that is statistically impossible (see Ohio, 2004), but if the public has been told enough ahead of time that Obama's blackness might suddenly matter to everybody and cause millions to suddenly switch their votes to McCain there's a good chance that, once again, they'll be compliant, maybe fuss a little, and as the MSM promotes the "aren't you glad McCain won?" meme they'll forget all about it. And how 'bout the freaks showing up at Palin rallies yelling "kill him" and other stuff about Obama? Holy crow. I know it's a cliche, but if the situation were reversed the talk radio nut jobs would be organizing torchlight parades to go round up the traitorous McCain hecklers. I'm just hoping that all of those "obey the president no matter what" folks are ready to walk the walk. I promised Michael Moore I'd ask everybody I knew if they were registered to vote. In some states the deadline is as soon as tomorrow (Saturday), and here in Georgia it's 10/6. I of course would encourage everybody to repudiate eight years of war mongering, incompetence, cronyism, child murder, treason (e.g. Valerie Plame Wilson), hate mongering, propoganda, torture, rendition, war crimes, Cheney and Bush, and register to vote Democratic. But at least register. Let me give you an image:  The man on the left is directly responsible for the deaths of perhaps 100,000 people--or more. And it was all based on a lie. He killed 10s of 1000s of children, and yet he chuckles, smirks, and tells the world that he cannot think of a single time he's made a mistake. The man on the right is the Republican nominee for the presidency. In 2000 both of these men were running for president. The man on the left spread vicious rumors about the child of the man on the right. (The girl had been adopted from Bangladesh and is dark-skinned; the man on the left spread rumors that she was actually the product of an inter-racial extramarital affair by the man on the right.) The girl was not yet ten years old. And yet...here he is, embracing, almost tearfully, the man who slandered himself and his innocent child for political gain. I'd say that makes him about the most pathetic, sycophantic "maverick" the world has ever seen. Chez out Cool cats, hipsters and beatniks will all know that R.E.M. took the title of their 1992 album "Automatic for the People" from the slogan of Weaver D's Delicious Fine Foods, a soul food restaurant here in Athens. I love Dexter Weaver. We were in the place one day when the University was shut down due to "snow," and it was pleasantly crowded. It was a trip watching Dexter clear a path for a delivery man, insisting that the crowd have reverence for the man bringing the meat for the day. And, of course, if you ask him for some sweet tea with your pork barbecue he'll tell you: "it's automatic." Well...I'd been seeing these awesome "Obamamatic for the People: Athens supports Barack Obama" bumper stickers around town. I called the Flagpole, our lefty-entertainment weekly to ask if they knew where to get them and after a little googling...no surprise, Dexter Weaver was selling them at Weaver D's. So I drove in to get one. I asked if it would make me a total freak if I asked him to sign it for me and...guess what he said..."Automatic." I'll have to scan mine and upload it for all to see. Even with the return of the frat boys and sorostitutes Athens is still pleasantly "blue." We'll go to the main branch of the public liberry and there isn't a McSame sticker to be seen. Same thing when we went to the arts center a few weeks ago. And while we're on the topic, I'm just filled with warm chuckles at the fact that Sarah Barracuda has gone from media darling to borderline idiot in the last week or two. Seems folks are realizing that shooting a moose and being a fundamentalist whack-job aren't always enough to qualify you for being an old man's heartbeat away from the presidency. I think the debate with Biden is going to be absolutely ghoulish. One of the things I've read suggested that she's conditioned herself to more or less babble in order to avoid spouting off with thumper BS about Iraq being the Last Stand in the War against Satan and about Jesus riding dinosaurs and all that. Well...word t' yuh muthah.... PS...I just gotta add this...I was watching Daily Show last night, and Jon Stewart was talking to this fellow with an English accent (I don't see the show very often), and in light of the stock market crash (and Iraq and Katrina and...) what is left for the Bushies to screw up. The Brit said that it was "like trying to find a vein on a failure junkie." Good golly, miss molly, that's funny. ...or just non-Republican (although I'd highly recommend the first option) I urge you to take advantage of whatever "early voting" options your state may have in place. I have always enjoyed waiting in line on election day, being a part of the big event, democracy in action (at least up until 2000) and all that. But this year I am totally going to take advantage of Georgia's early voting. And here's why: An unprecedented number of new voters has been registered over the last year or so in the state of Georgia. I've heard that many of these folks are Black and have registered as Democrats. And at the risk of drawing stereotypes, a lot of these folks are enthusiastic supporters of Barack Obama. So guess what...about a week or so ago election officials were talking about how they didn't know if they'd be able to handle the crush of new voters and that some precincts might not have enough voting machines on election day. Hmmm...lemme guess...something tells me that the communities that might not have enough machines are probably the less affluent communities--WHERE THE BLACK FOLKS/NEW DEMOCRATS/OBAMA VOTERS LIVE. Four years after Ohio I can't believe they'd have the grapes to try something like this again. Anyway...don't get stuck in line on election day because all the machines at your polling place are jammed or because there's only one machine for 10000 people. Vote as soon as you can. BTW...I think it's hilarious that Whackjob Palin is still drawing bigger crowds than McSame. I wonder what it is. Supposedly the majority of the population does not share her freaky-fundie view of abortion, abstinence-only sex ed (ironic chuckle), independence for Alaska, etc. So is it because she's a woman who goes moose hunting? Is it some gigantic wet dream for gun nuts to imagine a woman shooting at big game? Geez. There was a semi-dead oak tree spreading o'er the florist out in front of my crib. Clara and I took note of it Sunday while she was out scootering. Coincidentally, two days later a tree crew came to cut it down. (All of it, which we were peeved about, but maybe even the parts that looked alive were dying...I've hung out with tree folks who can look at seemingly healthy trees and tell you about how they're on the verge of death.) The crew was from Jesus and Mohammed's Tree Service. I'm not shitting you. Jesus and Mohammed's Tree Service. Very shortly after moving to Athens I saw a pick-up truck on Prince Ave with "Jesus and Mohammed's Tree Service" painted on the door. At first I thought it was a joke. But I found them in the phone book  and I found their business card at Jittery Joe's  and yesterday, the big truck that the chipper spews into was parked beside my righteous crib, with "Jesus and Mohammed's Tree Service" in big letters on the side. I've got some cell phone pix of the trucks but those never come out very good, and the signs are never legible. I've so gotta find out if they have t-shirts. In other rants... I have been saying for months that the whole thing about conservatives not supporting John McCain was a crock, that as soon as they had even the slightest "excuse" they'd be all over McCain like failure on Bush. Well, I think the whole Sarah Palin thing proves me out. Always, always, always we are told that VP selection has no impact on voters' decisions, be they Republican, Democrat, liberal, conservative, or whatever. So the fact that McSame introduces what has been called the most bizarre VP selection of all time and almost instantaneously conservatives are wetting their pants for him, I think, bears me out. And if this doesn't work enough you just know they'll get all the nut-job preachers to start lecturing about how McSame hates the queers and the Mexicans as much as they do--and Obama doesn't hate 'em at all!!! The other day I was behind a car that had a bumper sticker with "McCain" under a 'Murkin flag and "Obama" under a white flag. Right on, folks! God forbid anybody think about altering Big Daddy Bush's war plans! We'll not worry about the fact that the entire thing was predicated on fraud...to acknowledge that and stop the resulting wholesale murder would be an act of cowardice. I said something in an earlier rant about how we need to have some conservatives to maintain a healthy balance. But, I'm sorry, if you support Bush and his war you endorse murder. You are accomplices to one of the greatest crimes ever perpetrated by the United States. You're no better than the Germans who ignored the stench and told themselves that they really were making ball bearings in those great big camps where prisoners went in and none of them ever came out. You support torture. You support the murder of children. And you have absolutely no reason to condemn those who would wish those things on you. I thought that might catch your eye! Yesterday afternoon Clara and I went in to campus. They were having a to-do for the 100th anniversary of the college of education. This alone was not of interest to us, except for the fact that it was to feature a special appearance by Uga VII, the newly-crowned UGA mascot. He officially became Uga VII just a few days before. We're not football fans but we've always wanted to meet Uga, so in we went. We were out on the plaza and suddenly there was chatter about "the dog" and everybody zoomed inside. The Ugas must not like the heat...I remember that Uga VI had an air conditioned dog house (shaped like a fire hydrant???) when he's on the sidelines at games, and Uga VII had a bag of ice to sit on. This was the closest thing to a media frenzy I'd ever seen...dozens, if not a hundred or more people pressed around, taking pictures of a goofy bulldog in a red jersey and a red collar (from his "coronation"). The funniest thing was that Uga seemed to periodically turn himself a few degrees so that a new group of people could get his picture. Anyhow...Clara got up front. She hunkered down but didn't quite understand my requests to get into a position where I could get both her and Uga in a picture. Still, she got a dog kiss from Uga VII, one of the most famous college mascots in the country. The pix I did get are mostly of the back of Clara's head with Uga behind her, but that's still cool. It makes up, slightly, for me not getting pictures of her brief chat with President Carter last year. |
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